Nature describes men as the ‘the rock solid figure, capable of bearing every stress and circumstances without flickering emotions and anxiety, determined to get the job done and take full responsibility of each and every thing without budging, without shedding tears, without having fears’ Blah… blah… blah….
Keeping such nonsense aside, men do have emotions. Men shed tears. Men have fears. Period.
Today we are going to talk about new father fears because daddy DOES NOT really have to be the strongest always. He can emote too and be a human being first.
- Am I ready to be a father? Will I be good at it?
Okay ladies, before you start to jump the gun and blame him for being insensitive or noncommitting, fathers have a different approach to your ‘Oh! I am pregnant’. Of course, they do love you and are ecstatic with the news but they have their own set of worries. An addition to the family will change their lives in terms of finances, responsibilities and support. He will be the provider of it all. This thought of being the rock pillar of the family can sometimes build up a lot of pressure on his mind. Dear men, calm down. While this is normal to have, you can always talk this out with your partner, friends or even counsellors. Spend a day with a toddler, know how to hold it, feed it, clean it, burp it and so on as your mock drill. There is always a first time to everything and you only get good at it by practicing and being open to suggestions. You can plan on finances and investments pro-actively by looking at various best options available. You will learn and eventually be good at it.
- Will all go well during delivery?
While a mother builds a connection with the baby by carrying it in her womb for 9 months, fathers unfortunately are not able to do it that well. Also, they are clueless about what they can do while the mother undergoes labour. Will all go smooth? What will happen if it is cesarean? Will my partner and baby be healthy? For all such questions, talk to parents who recently had a baby and share their birthing experiences, what happened, how happened etc. Google and read about a vaginal and C-sec. Prepare a maternity kit having towels, warm bottle, clean gowns and all to prepare for the D-day. Knowledge is power. Most of all, stand like a rock with your partner through it all.
- Will looking after a newborn be a cake walk?
No, it won’t be honestly. With your wife fatigued after a delivery, you will have to share baby responsibilities with her. Go through YouTube channels, read blogs about how to help your wife latch it to feed, see diaper changing and bathing tutorials, sit through the needy nights to bond with the baby while your wife takes her essential sleep. It will be difficult and irritating initially but guess, seeing that tiny ball of joy and holding it in your arms will automatically give rise to a sense of love, attachment, protection and care for the baby. Because contrary to popular belief, men have feelings and emotions too. Slight changes in your schedule and ways, keeping the baby and your wife in the picture will help.
- Will adapting to a new life with a new member be easy?
The baby will sure bring a lot of new change in your life. You might not be able to go out on Men’s night as frequently as before, you will have to save more money, you might not get as much of your wife’s attention as before(please don’t burn there), you will have to change your routine, ways of life and so much more. But look closely, isn’t it a chance to strengthen your marriage by being your wife’s support? Or a chance to finally save up and buy that insurance coverage for the three of you? Or maybe lose some weight as it is sure going to keep you on your toes? The baby gives you a chance to reorganize your life and tighten lose ends. It’s all how you perceive it. Arrange your work, family commitments and social life in such a way that you don’t miss out on any. To be an ‘all-rounder’ and garner praises, slight effort is required.
Fear of anything is not something to be ashamed of. Come out openly about it and actively work on it instead of succumbing to it. Like it is aptly said by a famous author “Fear is the relinquishment of logic. The willing relinquishing of reasonable patterns. We either yield to it or fight it, but we cannot meet it halfway”
Happy fathering!