woman on social media shares a heart-warming incident-
In our busy lives, we hardly get the time to sit with our parents and look back at our memories, revisiting those old stories or listening to old jokes and gossips. So I thought I’ll keep this Sunday as my ‘parent-therapy’ time and sit with my folks and talk about the good old days (even our parents need our attention when they have always given us the same all their lives)
My mom began, “When we brought you home, I was so nervous. You were my first child, a girl, and I had no clue what to do with you. I was so scared that I might hurt you while bathing you, dressing you but your father, he was always more interested in doing all your chores. From poop sessions, to waking up late nights and dancing like a clown to see your one tooth smile, he did it all. He was crazy about clicking your photos no matter what you were doing. Children cast this magic spell on their parents and our life starts revolving around them. The moment that tiny person appears, we suddenly no longer come first in our self-centered little world and our precious bundle of burping, crying, sleepy kid is our joy becomes our priority”
My father, sitting beside her, gave a calm smile.
As I flipped through our old albums listening to her, I saw she was right. There were so many baby photos of mine-eating, sleeping, laughing, in strange costume, in buckets, having a massage, sitting inside a cupboard, playing with toys and what not. My father had carefully safeguarded my childhood in those photo albums. Fathers talk so less, but their gestures prove their deep love!
In the current generation too, the involvement of fathers in raising kids has increased unlike the 70s or 80s due to more sensitization and role reversal. ‘Fathering’ is enjoyed by fathers too as they make sure to spend as much time with their kids as possible even on work days or weekends. But is spending time the only deal? Speaking to many fathers, we have found that they tend to involve themselves in spending quality time instead of quantity time with their kids. For raising their daughters, we even asked them the ‘secret codes’ to do the right fathering as we have already covered how special their bond is in our previous two blogs in this series- Daddy’s little girl & Every daughter’s first love-How dads influence their daughter’s lives …
We have got some of the ways in which daddies do their ‘thing’. From the horse’s mouth, let’s begin decoding it
- Reading to her: From Princess Elsa or Anna of Frozen fame, or Barbie as the Rapunzel, little girls feel like they are the princess of those stories when she hears it from daddy. So they got to treat her like one. Trying to read her favourite stories at bedtime and letting her slip into her dreamy land as if she lives in a castle always works for most dads. Many a times, fathers have to re-read the same story over and over because she wants to hear it again and again (which dads might find crappy or boring from adult perspective. Well, comes with parenting) till she comes up with a new one herself. Dads might even find themselves singing the movie song to make her sleep but she won’t ‘Let it Go.’ But, anything for her! (mushy, mushy) Through this, they feel they are actually inculcating a ‘book to the bed’ philosophy in her which, who knows, she follows all her life as books are indeed a man’s best friend.
- Bringing adventure in her life by teaching her ‘cool’ stuff: It is generally thought that only fathers and sons can do the rough sport or go adventuring or do ‘men-chores’. Breaking that cliché seems like a good idea to modern dads. Teaching her plumbing stuff like ‘hey honey, could you hand me that wrench to fix the leaky faucet?’ or ‘Take that oil and let’s oil up our car’ is what they practice. Taking her along for hiking, cricket or computer classes as she comes of age can seal the deal in their opinion. “This way fathers are not only teaching her essential new things, a sense of confidence and self-esteem but encouraging gender neutral parenting as well. A better relationship between the two is a brownie!” they admit.
- Going shopping with her: Either if she wants an ice-cream or the new frock that she saw on TV, tagging along with her and going around shopping, listening to her getting all excited about her favourite cartoon, how Cinderella got the prettiest gown at the ball and married the prince, what the latest fashion is (even at 4, she will have a better fashion sense than her parents. Kids are way smarter nowadays!) is a good idea to many dads. Also, as she whines about choosing this or that, fathers cast their magic by throwing their arms around their little girl to comfort her. Result? “Post the entire process, we were bonded better and I guess I can gradually start teaching her the value of money and self-independence and reliance as the traits of a strong woman!” said a proud father of a 4 year old. Two birds with a stone!
- Accompanying her on her important days: Some days are important for our kids, be it if they are performing on stage or have their results out in the parents-teacher’s meetings and so on. When it’s showtime, the only eyes that give them satisfaction and calm are their parents’. If both of them can make it, it can’t be better but if it’s either of one, most fathers said that they have tried to postpone or arrange the work accordingly as they know that a father figure has been shown to increase the confidence of the girl child more. If he says she is dancing well, she knows she is!
- Clicking as many photos of her as you can: Most fathers have this anxiety that time is going to run away at lightning speed and that pretty frock they brought for their little girl is no longer going to fit her. That’s when they turn photographers to seize her princess look in a photo so that they can have a collection of those priceless moments safe and sound even when she flies out of their arms for studying or marrying. I am not crying, you are crying.
- Being approachable, expressive and friendly even as she grows up: Fathers regret that often, they are a lot calm and soft with their little girls but tend to go inside a shell as she grows up. It may be due to the societal pressure or a protector image. Hence, they tell new fathers to be her friend no matter what from day 1. Letting her confide in him as she needs to because she needs his support and advice even as she becomes an adult (be it about little stomach upsets or dating other men and marrying) needs to be done. Being expressive of how much daddy loves her even as both age is critical. “She wouldn’t mind the same ice-cream you surprised her with at 5 at an age of 25” a father jokes. They strongly emphasize to treat her like she is still your princess and your home is their castle. Continuing to support, empower and encourage her to reach bigger heights and dream big irrespective of any parameter raises independent women. Experienced fathers have acknowledged that their daughters will need them through all walks of her life, hands down. However, dads need to know when to give her the space and her privacy. “Respecting your daughter’s need and the act of balancing is essential to fathering” they say.
Men as fathers may be complex. Some of them may be dealing with their own wounds from a disturbed childhood or dealing with frustrations to shield their own manliness in a cruel society which is hell- bound at stereotyping men as – tough, no cry-babies, ‘emotions are for the weak’ image.
Dear fathers, raising girls doesn’t make you weaker, or less masculine, or anything of the sort. In fact, it makes you a better, softer, more well-rounded, and understanding man. Do not let anyone tell you that raising daughters is bad or problematic. A lot of men become more empathetic towards frustrations, emotions and unreasonable expectations that women face in our society by being supportive fathers.
Making time for your daughter and building a strong father-daughter relationship will pay big dividends over time. By investing in her and empowering her to become the best version of herself, you will be laying a solid foundation for your daughter to build upon. Plus, you will develop a strong bond and create a lot of fun memories along the way.
“Dear daddy, no matter where I go in life, you will always be my number one man”