Priya and her 3-year old girl were the ‘chef’ mother-daughter duo. Whenever Priya cooked something in the kitchen, the little one always used to hang around her mother, intently watching what she did and occasionally helped with little things; washing veggies, laying the napkins on the table, stirring and mixing etc.
One day, Priya placed 4 eggs in the bowl to boil them.
Seeing her mom with eggs, the daughter asked, “Mama, we having ome-me-lette?”
Her mother corrected her, “It’s omelette honey but no, not that today.”
“So I won’t get to stir the yellow ball?” she asked
Priya laughed. She had taught her daughter that you beat the yellow ball (yolk) to make an omelette and she had watched her mother do so many times.
“Well, today we are just boiling it, so no stirring needs to be done. There won’t be a yellow ball to beat”
“But why mama?”
This was difficult to answer. How do you explain the difference between how differently heat works while an egg is broken on a pan and when it is not broken but just boiled to a 3 year old.
“Honey, whatever we do, the way we do, has different results. If you open the egg and cook, the result is different from when you don’t. First makes an omelette and the second hardens it. Different actions have different reactions or results. So depending on what we want to eat, we perform that action to get the desired result”
Her daughter listened, giving her a confused look.
“Well, once you grow a little older I will tell you more about action-reaction but as of now, go get the glasses and place them on the table. My special dish is almost ready”
The little one happily ran off.
Isn’t it true that whatever we say or do or choose, each of our actions has an equal reaction? What you give or do, comes back to you in some form. Each action has a consequence. Our life is a reflection of our actions. Our lives are not accident or coincidence but a shadow of our actions. Choose well and be prepared for the consequences is what we plan to do. But how do we teach such profound concepts to our young minds?
Every choice has a consequence
Raising toddlers involves an everyday power struggles, meltdowns, and choices. Lots of choices. But it is also the time to teach our kids that, no matter our age, there are consequences for the choices we make. A taste of disappointment or a sense of happiness after making an independent choice by kids should be highlighted more often by parents because if kids do not realize that their choices directly dictate an outcome whether good or bad, they would never learn the fact that every choice has a consequence.
It would be no less than a dis-service to children if they do not experience disappointment while growing up or if they do not realize that their choices directly dictate an outcome whether good or bad.
Let them think about it and make their own decision.
Giving them options initiates the child to take a call and choose depending upon their understanding of the situation. Options are a part of being independent and every toddler desires to be able to choose what they want. You can begin with simple choices such as the color they would like to wear, the activity they want to indulge in, if they want beans or broccoli for lunch or any other choice (however, we don’t wish to convey that you let them do anything they wish to which you know can harm your toddler).
They should be able to let the little things roll off their shoulder, and be confident in their decision making regardless of the outcome. And that’s a HUGE part of both helping them cope with consequences and fostering a firm and independent spirit in them.
Even the smallest of failed/successful decisions can teach real skills about decision making and consequences. For example if your toddler decides to go cycling without wearing knee pads and falls, he knows he made the wrong choice and will be careful the next time if you explain it like a logical consequence to a bad decision. If he avoids bathing and smells bad or itchy the next day, you can point out that probably it was a bad decision. When she regularly waters her plants and sees a flower blooming, she will dance with joy with her right decision. These are little incidences that build big character.
Let their “yes” be their “yes” and “no” be their “no” so that they know the criticality of decision making.
They will then grow up to weigh their options wisely and not flicker from making difficult choices and will be learned enough to make choices with sound and clear thoughts. Learning action-reaction is important because it helps:
- To avoid a sudden panic and inculcate a habit of dealing with disappointments with stability, calm and confidence.
- To know that rat-race is not worth it and one should choose by keeping the outcome and consequences clear in the mind.
- To avoid a mental breakdown if biggest dreams fail and he/she has to take two steps back to bounce four steps ahead. To have the emotional stamina to pull themselves up and not feel defeated.
- To take ownership of self’s decision and not indulge in a blame game.
- When situations or a peer pressure of decisions comes up, he/she is able to think through the consequences first and then decide for himself-herself.
- To know that it was not their choice in times of rejection and that it inspires them to be even better and more confident.
- When they are faced with defending what they believe in, they don’t hesitate or incompetent in any circumstance.
Through any of their choices and actions-reactions, when they face disappointments, heartbreaks, (in times of bad decisions and unfavorable outcomes) even on the days they disappoint you, stand with them rock solid to reinforce this concept you instilled in them as kids.
So it’s okay if maybe today you are running after them to not choose to play outside in the sweltering heat. But as life unfolds and there come mountain-like challenges, keep your own disappointments and dejections in check. Always convey your love and support to your kids. After all, sometimes we have to go back to our roots to re-learn it all and you are the roots to your saplings (kids)!