“Never do for a child what he can do for himself. A ‘dependent’ child is a demanding child. Children become irresponsible only when we fail to give them opportunities to take on responsibility. It is not what you do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings” ~ Unknown
Fostering an environment that encourages toddler independence is something that parents should plan about from day 1 of their child’s birth because ‘micro-parenting’ is nothing but enabling.
Encouraging independence in toddlers is essential as it helps in confidence building of the child, makes them feel important, allows them to be responsible and generates a sense of control by rendering a grip over basic yet practical life skills. Of course, it needs a few perquisites and preparation from your end to provide an ‘open ground’ for your child to conquer. So make sure items are safe, easily accessible, and well-thought-out as per their age. You may not realize now but these acts will give them wings to fly high as adults and shine with flying colours as responsible beings
How to Foster Independence in children
1. Gathering the right set of tools and props:
· Stools: If anything is beyond the reach of our kids, we dive in and hand it over to them, isn’t it? While this is good during actually taxing and unsafe situations, avoid this for plain simple tasks like picking up the toy from a not-so high table or kitchen slab. Get your child a light-weight stool in order to reach things they otherwise would have called you for. Initially, it may be look like trouble as they try to reach off-limit stuff but then, capitalize on the opportunity to talk about appropriate behavior and boundaries. You may be surprised to know that even if not with stools, babies as old as 10 months of age have been found to use cushions to get down from a ‘high’ bed without external help. Quite independent, no?
· Personalized dustbins – There are big dustbins in our household but those are challenging for a toddler to access and open. Get your toddler a little on that has a pedal. Not only will that promote hygienic practices in kids but also make it fun. You can check it at the end of the day and make sure they haven’t thrown away something they shouldn’t have and then ask them to dump it into the big one ‘to help mama clean the house.’ That feeling of being helpful fosters her independent spirit like almost nothing else.
· Clothes and laundry – This can work in two ways. You can keep a basket for your toddler to fill in with clothes he/she finds dirty-spill cleaning towels, dirty with paints clothes, splashed mud clothes or anything. The other way can be: once the clothes are washed, you can ask your kid to help you with carrying the clothes (little ones) and help you in drying.
· Mini closets and cabinets– You can get your toddler mini closet with 2-3 drawers and a rack for allowing them to manage their clothes (of course, that won’t be done perfectly but can be a good start to independence). Also, there can be small cabinets with doors and shelves for him/her to place their kitchen-set (mini bowls, plates, cups) paraphernalia or that collection of car toys. This way they know the right place and right way of cleaning up their toys and room and you won’t have to be doing it for them. These cabinets could also be for their colour books, shoes, as a mini dresser or just anything.
2. Chores – Getting your toddler involved in very basic household chores (which are safe and age appropriate) is always a good idea to give them a taste of being independent. Let them wipe up spills, lay napkins on table, take care of plants and pets, help with the laundry etc. They will feel so much more independent when you ask them to “go get a cup of water out of the filter” than having you do everything for them. (This might involve a lot of extra dish washing on your part as they might always get a new cup/bowl/plate even for second and refills, but it’s definitely worth it) It adds to their confidence, makes them feel as a huge help and adds to the fun factor. The work doesn’t have perfection but it’s mainly about encouraging independence in toddlers and letting them know that they are capable and part of the bigger family picture. (For more details and ideas on chores of toddlers, please check out our blogs Work f a Toddler and Toddlers to the rescue-Household chores for their age)
- Give them the liberty of choosing– No matter what, wherever necessary, give your toddler a few options to choose. Let them decide between “A” and “B. When a child chooses, not only are they using the analyzing side of their brains but they gradually pick up that each choice has a consequence attached to it. When a toddler has 50 options, it’s easy for them to be wishy-washy. However, having a few great options helps them take a little more control and be a little more confident in their decision making. Let them pick their colors, food preferences, play activities and hobbies. (Read more about this with our blog Little incidences build big character)
- Develop their critical thinking skills: It is important to raise children who can problem solve and not be 100% dependent on parents. To encourage toddler independence, children need to be taught to think through each problem they encounter in a day, no matter how big or small. Whether it is using pillows as ladders, substituting mud pots with buckets, helping you find lost objects or anything, critical thinking needs to be taught, fostered and conditioned. This is achieved by you setting precedents, encouraging creativity, providing them with an analytical environment and various mind questions or games etc. (ofcource as per age). Let your children feel free to come up with new ideas that aid their independence. (for more ideas about how to foster critical thinking in toddlers, check out our blog Thinking out of the box: Fostering critical thinking and independence in toddlers)
“The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence”-Denis Waitely