Dhruv was at office, working tirelessly as the month was ending and his Chartered Accountancy firm had to close the financial year. One morning, he got a call from his wife. Their newborn baby had a fever and she could not manage it with the doctor alone.
“I will be there, honey” he said.
He stood up, walked to his boss and told him the entire situation, fearing if he’ll be allowed to leave or not.
“Well, Dhruv. I can understand that you have to go. It is your baby and being a father myself, I know that is not about some kind of duty or obligation. It is fatherhood and shared parenting. Go, and wind up the work afterwards today” his boss said with a genuine smile.
Dhruv exhaled with relief. “Glad that someone understood the depth of it without a headache” he said to himself.
In a still patriarchal society of ours, finding examples like above is like finding a needle in a haystack. Men are still thought to be less involved with raising kids than the women. However, the generation of ours is thankfully shifting roles and men these days are willingly taking up caregiving roles for their children.
Studies have shown that a father, actively involved in raising the child and parenting it, tends to benefit the child’s psychology more. Hence, you are not just baby-sitting or fulfilling an obligation of being there, you are actually leaving a long term impact on your child’s mental well-being. It is not just about taking the child out in the pram or in those cute baby carriers on your chest, reading to a toddler or playing simple ball games which are, no doubt, crucial to fatherhood but it is equally about being there for the kids when they need you; through the sick nights, through teething, through first words, through first fall, first cycling lessons and so on. Fatherhood involves balanced parenting; when to react, when to be silent, the urge to do the best you know for your child without a set obligation. It is emotionally and spiritually a whole lot bigger and heavier than mere duty as it involves understanding and willingness rather than the mechanical fulfillment of a ‘job’. Haven’t you heard that when you do something out of duty, it never comes out good but when you do something out of love or a strong desire to do it, it come out just perfect? It makes a lot of sense here too.
Emotions and acts of fatherhood do not need to garner praises, a thumbs up or a pat on the back or maybe ‘Father of the year’ award. Congratulating fathers for what they do for their babies because they are doing something more which the society does not expect them to do is very absurd. It is Iike, “Hey you made your child eat and burp. Congratulations! You are so unlike other men”. Duh? You just did a very, normal, routine thing for your child which any parent would do! Compliments on normal behavior kind of downgrades the emotions and the entire idea behind fatherhood. Like you are doing better than the least expected from a male, a father. You DON’T need that congratulations. ANY DAY!
Paradigm shifting takes time but it is high time we stop associating ‘duty’ with dad and ‘unconditional love’ only with mom as both parents love and care for the child equally. It is N-O-R-M-A-L for daddies to take care of kids as much as a mother would, from smallest to biggest tasks.
Enjoy the journey of being a father and don’t let anyone trap you in the name of duty. Fatherhood is the new cool and it is amazing. PERIOD!