For any man, a father-child relationship can be articulated as the most significant relationship in his life undoubtedly. Like a Goby fish and Shrimp, both father and child rely on each other in order to survive everyday life. In The Pursuit of Happyness, the story of the father-son duo reflects the same symbiotic relationship where they help each other to cope with the daily struggles of each day. Each father wants to teach lessons to its child for a tough time when he won’t be around to protect him as seen in The Lion King.
Fatherhood has its struggles in the present times where fathers are dynamic in their roles of a partner, a breadwinner, a caretaker of the child and its guide. This can be stressful—and unfortunately, fathers who want to be more involved can face many obstacles in their journey. Here we bring you 3 obstacles of fathers being more involved in family life and how to overcome them:
- Maintaining a work-family balance: Earlier, it was for granted that father would leave early in the morning for work while the mother looked after kids in the day. Fathers usually used to find kids curled in bed on his return. As times have changed, fathers are involved in parenting as equally as mothers and hence report work-kid balance issues. Juggling between long office hours, running household chores and the will to spend most times with kids is taxing.
Solution: Some of the solutions, no matter how temporary they can include:
- Emphasize on quality than quantity. The key here involves making most of the time that you have with your kids. Engage with them, listen to their stories, hear them speak gibberish, laugh at their innocence and guide them through challenges in whatever time you get post your work.
- Undivided Attention: Make sure you follow the golden rule of ‘One hour with kids’ strictly. Having a set ‘father-son’ or ‘father-daughter’ time should be followed without a miss. During this time, no office work or any calls should be attended.
- Lack of support: Many fathers try to make a head and tail out of fathering without much help from fellow men. There are no clear instructions or a handbook on good fathering. In fact, if we look around us, there is plenty of research and books available on how to be a good mother than similar kinds for fathers. Even hospitals have ‘new mom support’ groups. Hello? It’s new for the father too, duh! Fathers are even judged for being a good father. Like ‘you are a good father? Wow, that was least expected of you.’ This is a shame.
Solution: Fathers need to take more responsibility for building a father network or group and everyone around them should encourage that. If a father wants to take a hike, he should take the initiative to call a friend and find a time to take that hike. Many men have found success in formal men’s groups and father-organized playgroups (these days WhatsApp, Facebook, Instagram groups). While it may seem awkward at first, it becomes familiar over time. You can even discuss our baby poop issues, baby sickness issues, managing work home worries and what not with your men-gang to relieve stress.
- Breaking that ‘wall’ with kids: Naturally, fathers are expected to be ‘strict;’ with their children to teach them discipline from their early age. It is a mandate in our society and fathers are expected to sustain that. Sometimes in this process, fathers build an impenetrable shield around them that becomes difficult to break later on. Early fathering that involves losing temper, physical punishment, bribery, lecturing, compared with other siblings, damages the father-child relationship on a long-term basis.
Solution: Fathers should start acting like friends to their children as early as day 1 of being a dad. You got to teach discipline? Do so in a playful way. Some tips are:
- Voice yourself. Walk into your child’s room and ask them to clean it — in a fake opera voice or a cartoon character voice. Funny voices and using different characters are a great way to diffuse tension.
- Fall down. A lot. Especially with toddlers; they think it’s hilarious when adults fall down, since they do it a lot themselves.
- Fake cry – When your child does something wrong, don’t shout. Instead, do fake cry and fake upset showing it hurts you.
- Game it. Set up games where they can be symbolically aggressive without it being over the top, such as play wrestling and pillow fights.
The whole idea being here that you don’t project yourself as a non-approachable father yet teach them all –from basic etiquettes to life lessons.
There might be many other fathering obstacles that you might be facing. Right, fathers? Do write to us about them and we will sure help you out.
Till then, happy fathering!