The opening scene of the flashback in the highly successful movie 3 Idiots was where we see baby Farhan being born in the world and his relatives exclaiming “He is going to be an Engineer. B. Tech Farhan Qureshi!” Wow, such pressure seconds after you are born! Result? He quits engineering to be a photographer.
Ishaan, the dyslexic child in Taare Zameen Par was constantly pressurized to be like his academically- bright, athletically fit elder brother Yohan, totally undermining his talent in arts which eventually makes him overcome his dyslexia by the end of the movie.
Bottomline? We always want our children to be perfect; a standard set by society mixed with our own expectations of what we couldn’t achieve ourselves in our younger days. Sad, but true.
Moving above pop culture references and analyzing real life now. My aunt, a social bee, has two sons-7 and 3. At every social gathering, she is thrown with questions as to how are her children performing in school, what all co-curricular activities would she enroll them in, if she is planning on investing in their abroad education and much more. I am often dumbstruck. One does not even know how to write and the other is merely in 1st grade. Meh!
However, such questions make my aunt hyper-active. She is throwing herself all over places, getting them ready for a ‘socially acceptable standard’ without even stopping to think if they are even interested in what activities she wants them to be in. I fondly call her ‘The No-chill aunt’
While it is common for Indian parents to compare their children with Sharmaji ka beta, they should probably relax for a second and actually ponder upon what ticks with their children as each kid is unique. Now parents might ask-How to know what my child likes? OBSERVE. What makes your child laugh? What makes it stay attentive? What is the thing that it does over and over? What does it choose more often? When you note such things, a pattern will emerge. Congrats, your child likes something and now it’s your duty to hone its skills in that.
For some parents, the problem lies in slowness. “My child is 3 and still doesn’t talk, but her baby does” or “My child is 1 and still does not walk like most children.” We always want our children to be ‘first’ in a so-called race of even stuff as basic as eating, walking, talking, sleeping. Like, seriously? We always want the first prize without even understanding that the child will get there and there doesn’t have to be a timer always. The idea should be to reach the destination at your own pace. They don’t need you to keep them reminding of their weaknesses. Instead, teach them to play on their strengths.
To give an example of it, a neighborhood child of mine was always teased for being fat. He was inclined towards football but neither his schoolmates nor colony mates made him play along thinking his weight would be an obstacle. That’s when his father pitched in. He advised him to be a goalkeeper and use his weight to block the opponent and goals. Bingo! The child is in the school team now. Such a sound advice which made him do his best despite the so-called ‘imperfection’!
We often panic and worry if our child will be able to do ‘it’ in time or like others but in the end, the child somehow finds the way always if you have done the parenting right. Don’t teach them how to fit in, teach them to be themselves and find their own way by thinking out of the box. Building their strong foundation and value set is the key. Don’t define a time period yourself, let them define it themselves. Perhaps, a problem doesn’t have to be solved just how parents see it. Perhaps, our young ones too have a better solution and perception. Just reducing your panic levels with them a bit, might help them better. LOL.
Imagine if all 5 fingers of our hands were the same. We would not be able to lift objects, pick, smash, pat, rub, type, and fist or perform any function that we do now with sensitivity and dexterity. Diversity is the key to function. Same goes with your child.
Happy Parenting!