‘Change is the only constant’-Haven’t we all grown up with this adage and with the idea of growth and evolution associated with it? Sheer perfection!
For humans, changes feel like a lot of work and we ‘prefer’ to be people of habits as it is easy and feels like routine. We don’t wish to move out of our comfort zone as it is our ‘happy, safe place’. Same goes with children.
Like when they got to leave behind their favorite toy in the morning to go to school or when it’s time to leave Grandma’s and they just won’t want to go home! Returning from the playground, going to bed at night, while eating those veggies, and the list is loooooooong..!!
We have all been there. Agree?
When the child is engrossed in an activity they enjoy, their brain finds it hard to switch gears onto something new. And to an extent the same is applicable to adults. Isn’t it?
Child’s emotional response to changes can be a tough one. Difficulty with transitions boils down to skills in emotional regulation with managing fear, anger, or frustration.
These can include changes in routine, changes in an activity, or even big family changes. For kids, the manifestation of such emotions comes in the form of tantrums, ignorance, negotiation or more often than not a full-blown meltdown.
As per Dr. David Anderson, senior director of the ADHD and Behavior Disorders Center at the Child Mind Institute, “Transitions are hard for everybody and one of the reasons why transitions may be hard is that we’re often transitioning from a preferred activity – something we like doing – to something that we need to do.”
Parents are not only aware but also dread the moment that is going to unfold as soon as you ask your child to transit, switch over, leave, move on and yes so many more, multiple times, each day.
But like the adage goes, change is inevitable and children need to be taught about smooth transition early on in life to face bigger challenges later on. While there is no full-proof remedy, but it feels really good to be prepared with a handful of ideas that can help ward off a potential tantrum when the tides are adverse.
Here we have summed up few techniques that parent can use to ease transitions at home, schools, about the community for kids:
- Giving them a head start: If your child is habitual of eating in your presence only but you have to leave town for some urgent work, start planning a week in advance. Try managing the dinner with your partner who is going to take charge in your absence. Get your partner engaged in feeding the child and ramp it up till the time you leave. It is like giving children heads up (a consistent way of signaling that an activity is over) of upcoming transitions can help them know what to expect.
Some parents use a visual timer or scheduler to make their child know what to expect when the hour glass is half empty or when reward charts give them brownie points for being the ‘good boy/girl’. This helps to decrease anxiety and also sets up a typical routine or schedule for the day. It’s like “Be prepared as when all the sand from this end drops down on the other side, you are going to leave that ball and come to bed”
- Choosing transition activities, objects or songs: Music is known to calm the mind even in children. So when they can’t run outdoors to play because it is raining, how about sing a song and praying to the rain gods for some sunlight; “Rain, rain go away, come back another day as little babies want to play”. Make the most of the moment so that your child doesn’t get the time to be upset.
If you are shifting to a new place, the entire new environment can be overwhelming for your preschooler. Try carrying some photos of his favourite spot or carry his favourite pillow, chair to the new place for quick adaptation.
- Use sensory activities to induce calm: Don’t say no to your kids straight away because that can lead to negative emotions and an eventual meltdown. Instead, when things don’t go as planned, indulge in an activity that stimulates their senses.
‘When you can’t go meet your friend, go hug your favorite teddy bear’ or ‘When you can’t play in the park today, let’s do some hurdle race at home” or ‘The zoo is closed so how about setting up a zoo at home. Let’s walk like an elephant or rhino and jump around like a monkey’
- The world of stories: Stories can be a good medium to convey meaningful lessons of transition to children and teach them that if this could not happen or if this changes, what can you do to make the best out of it. ‘Sindbad was a sailor on a quest to find the treasure but due to ferocious sea storms, he could not and failed multiple times. So he changed his plan and bravely made a new one to get the treasure. Now, you are brave like Sindbad, right kiddo? So even if we could not go picnic today, we can do our garden camping’ Social stories can be used to help ease anxiety about a stressful environment or situation and give the child hope that good things can still happen no matter if the initial plan has changed and one can still come out bravely like the hero of the story.
- Distractions can be handy but don’t rush: If you are anticipating a tantrum from your kid the moment you reveal that the promised ice-cream is not coming, throw in the surprise (read distraction) of a cake instead. However, don’t be hell-bound on diverting his attention that you restrain him from expressing himself. Patience and acceptance is crucial here. Remember that communication between you and your little one are critical in helping your child make these changeovers as seamless as possible.
While these are our suggestion of making your child transit into awkward new situations, do write about what tricks you use to help your child get out of his comfort zone in the comment section. Good luck, parents!