Whenever we get cold, we begin sneezing, get a fever or have a congestion. We resort to external measures like medications for it or use home-remedies like a stew or steam. We do all this despite being well aware of the fact that our internal ‘resilience’ i.e. the strength and ability to recover from difficulties (here infection), namely our antibodies and WBCs are robustly acting on the pathogens to make us better again. This balance between internal and external measures make us get well eventually.
Drawing parallels from this, if we look at our young kids, a balance between external adversities/prosperities and the internal developmental factors make up the resilience of our child. Reducing the effects of significant adversity on young children’s healthy development is critical to the progress and prosperity of any society.
Let’s take two toddlers aged 4- Arun and Varun, playing on a see-saw to understand this concept better. Let’s begin with visualizing these kids on a see-saw at either end.
While Arun has protective experiences like a happy home environment, loving parents and good nutrition, he is likely to go up (positive) on the seesaw while Varun, who has a neglectful family with parents busy with their own work, never giving him time and involved in conflicting with each other, would likely be going down(negative) on the seesaw with such adverse experiences. Looks rightly balanced, no? Wrong.
Not all children experience lasting harm as a result of adverse early experiences. Meaning, it is not always the external factors (like in the case of Arun and Varun) that play a part in the development of a strong core or resilience. Good adaptive skills on one side counterbalance significant adversity on the other. And this adaptability constitutes the internal factors too.
Resilience is evident when a child’s health and development are tipped in the positive direction, even when a heavy load of external factors are stacked on the negative side. When positive experiences outweigh negative experiences, a child’s “scale” tips toward positive outcomes.
This interplay of internal and external factors hence determines how resilient a child will become eventually in pressing situations.
Some facts about resilience
Resilience flourishes due to relationships based on love and support
It has been found that no matter how many hardships come up, kids who have a supportive and loving figure-parent, caregiver, guardian or anyone, grow up to be resilient individuals. Such relationships are pivotal in building resilience as they provide the personalized responsiveness, scaffolding, and protection that can buffer children from developmental disruption. Positive relationships form an armor around children and induce the ability to plan, monitor, regulate behavior and adapt to dynamic environments that better enable them to respond to adversity when they face it.
Resilience thrives on internal-external interactions
As stated previously, the interaction between a child’s biology (internal factors like strong genes, good nutrition and health) and environment (healthy relationships and external stimulus) build his/her capacity to cope with adversity and overcome threats to healthy development. Hence, resilience emerges due to the interplay of these internal and external factors. Neither individual characteristics nor social environments alone are likely to produce positive/negative outcomes for children who experience prolonged periods of stress.
Threats are needed to develop resilience
How will our immune system become strong if it is never exposed to any pathogen? How will it encounter and defeat deadly bacteria and viruses if it hasn’t been given proper training with their exposure previously? Similarly, kids can never be resilient if they aren’t exposed to pressing situations. There are numerous opportunities in every child’s life to experience manageable stress—and with the help of supportive adults, this “positive stress” can be beneficial. Over the course of time, the brain and bodies begin managing these situations effectively and training kids to adapt, cope and emerge winners against obstacles. Not all stress is harmful, however, sometimes due to the absence of a guiding light/relationship, stress can become toxic. Thereby, acting responsibly as a parent is important. Don’t let the seesaw of your child go ‘down’ towards negative.
Start early to develop resilience in your kids for their holistic development
We all know that life is the best teacher and it teaches you crossing hurdles at its pace and eventually. But kids are like that wet mud that can be moulded in any way we want. Their brain and other biological systems are most adaptable and flexible early in life and whatever you feed in there, stays there for life to lay a strong foundation for a wide range of resilient behaviors. As he grows up, the accumulation of new experiences and obstacles enhances those adaptive skills for which you would have already given him a head start. What happens early in life matters a lot and over the course of life’s journey, situations add to his/her resilience.
Resilience in real-life scenarios
As parents, there is a lot that you can do to raise resilient kids as resilience can be groomed at every age.
- Activities like yoga, other physical exercises and stress-reducing practices can be inculcated in the child’s routine as per his age. This can improve skills like self-regulation, adapting, coping and dealing with adversity in them. Parents can model such behaviors in their lifestyle as kids usually imitate what they see.
- Also, parents should be careful about the quality of life they are giving to their kids. Supportive adult-child relationships, a happy-loving family environment, good nutrition and education, maintenance of a good living standard are all crucial to develop resilient kids.
- Intentional exposure to pressing situations for scaffolding learning so that the child builds a sense of self-efficacy and control can be done at times. For example, simple actions like regulating the usage of appliances like T.V. or A.C. in kids can teach them self-control and prepare them for real-life situations of a summer with long power cuts or an exam time when studies are a priority rather than entertainment when they grow up. At the end of the day, it is a parent’s responsibility to help strengthen the child’s adaptive skills and self-regulatory capacities at any situation no matter what.
- There are many instances where elders in the family like grandparents try to do this using faith and cultural traditions as a foundation for hope and stability. “Lord Ram sacrificed the fancies of a rich empire to struggle in the dark woods to destroy the evil. He was a just and resilient king”
Conclusively, do remember that exceptions exist. Some sensitive children respond in extreme ways to both positive and negative experiences. Also, in extreme adversity, such as war or environmental devastation, interrelated threats of poverty, crime, mental illness, substance abuse, discrimination and community violence, kids may require help of medical experts to build resilience. Moreover, kids who demonstrate resilience in response to one form of adversity may not necessarily do so in response to another.
For more handy tips on how to raise resilient kids, check out our blog Failed plan is a good plan-Raising resilient kids right away!