But
What if it doesn’t
I can’t
These are strange words, aren’t they? Prefix them before any sentence and the focus shifts to your fears, apprehensions or inabilities. We adults use them all the time. We are constantly building walls and limiting ourselves and prefer to be rigid and not experiment. Years of hardships make us cold and we feel that some things are actually impossible.
But are they really?
Whenever we talk about negatives, we have the fear of failures at the back of our minds which makes us so certain about its inevitability. It makes us scared of the future and unwilling to try. But no matter whatever we do in our lives, the question that arises is, do we want to raise children who are constantly so worried of the negatives and failures that they never see a positive side to things? Do we want our kids to not break the glass ceiling because ‘what if’ it doesn’t work? What about what if it does? Do we want them to be like our sacred selves?
In the movie ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’, a poor, single father is constantly shown to teach his kid the positives of the world despite how harsh life was to them. The little boy was taught to ‘protect his dream fiercely’ no matter their homelessness. Basically, the father constantly tried to instill positivity in his boy no matter the odds ONLY to raise him as a strong individual who can sail through tough tides with hope and perseverance. Isn’t that what we should be inculcating as moral values in our kids right from toddler years? Shouldn’t we teach them that no matter what, even negatives add up to positives as failures are a gift too?
It’s time parents stop imposing their fears on kids and make them realize early on that both success and failure are opportunities to grow and push forward and above all, to learn perseverance in rising up and overcoming.
I don’t want to.…but it’s impossible…but I am not capable….I can’t…..
These words need to be turned into positives and parents should forbid their kids from using them totally.
Dear parents, please know that you shouldn’t be raising kids who are fine with the idea of giving up before even trying. Instead, aid their development and growth with enabling them with optimism, positive attitude and outlook to every problem. The glass doesn’t have to be half empty. It can be half full if the outlook is positive
“Train your mind to see the good in everything. Positivity is a choice. If you are positive, you see challenges as pedestals for growth otherwise, they are just obstacles in your path”
How your child deals with disappointment and frustration now will not only have an effect on their day-to-day behavior but it will shape how they handle things later in life. It will become a habit, their default response to situations they wish were different.
How can parents instill positivity in their toddlers and preschoolers?
- You are the prototype
Toddlers are basically imitators. So whatever you do, they repeat. If you are a parent that easily hypes up or frets over little things, know that you are under observation. Your kid is watching your responses; how you react to stress and how you treat difficult people and frustrating situations. So you need to quit your ‘whining’ or ‘I am unlucky’ or ‘this is impossible’ statements when faced with adversity. Try swiping them with phrases like ‘Oh my, my! A challenge, I like it’ or ‘we are going to make this happen’ or ‘Smooth tides never made a good sailor’ or ‘I can, I will.’ Make a choice to have a positive attitude and not let stress get to you. Be the role model for your kids and show them that you control adversities with your optimistic responses and not vice-versa.
- Use the right visual or simulator medium
Toddlers learn most from a visual or auditory medium. You should arrange ‘movie screening’ with your toddlers of assorted movies over the weekend, specially handpicked for teaching life-lessons to your kids. The movie list could include The Pursuit of Happyness, Finding Nemo, Toy Story, Zootopia, Stuart Little, Frozen, The Incredibles, The Jungle Book, The Lion King and so on. When they see movie characters showing rigour and positivity through bad situations, they learn better. Similar idea goes with story-telling. Incorporate their bed-time stories with characters who can be role-models. Some examples could be Cindrella, Beauty and the Beast, Harry Potter and the sorcerer’s stone, Alice in Wonderland. Winnie the Pooh etc. When they hear their favourite characters fighting all odds, they want to be like them.
- Motivate them each day
Helping your child build their self-esteem will help them feel more confident, be happier, and hold a more positive attitude. Encourage your child and recognize their accomplishments, both big and small. The appreciation should come even if they tried and failed so that they get up and pull up their socks to try again harder.
“Oh honey! I am so proud of you that you tried. I am sure you are going to win the next time”
A little appreciation goes a long way and channelizes positive energies in the right direction.
- Many negatives make a positive. It just takes time.
Let your child see the bigger picture. The everyday mistakes that we make and struggle with are leading us to something better in the future. Let them see the positive of a situation to make it a little easier.
“You did 10 stretches a day. I know you have come a long way and it seemed hard initially but look at you now. You are the cutest and most flexible ballet performer. I am so proud!”
When your child is feeling down on themselves for something they’re not good at, turn it around and remind them what they are good at.
“You may not know the reverse counting yet, but you’re learning and it takes time. You’ll get it.”
- Give them an environment of positivity
It is a rule of thumb. You attract energies from your surroundings and it is your choice what surroundings you are in. As parents, try to make your home a place of acceptance, a safe place to be who you are, and fill it with love and laughter.
Try to inculcate a habit of finding humor, jokes and fun in most twisted situations in your kid’s life. Laughter is infectious. It releases happy hormones and energies. Try celebrating little triumphs in your lives with silly dances, let bad times have funny stories and jokes scattered all over. When they’re happy and laughing, they’ll naturally be more positive and respond in a more positive manner to stressful situations.
- They should be told the reasons
It is often found that parents who use a lot of ‘no’ with their kids, tend to raise kids with a negative outlook to life. That doesn’t mean you don’t have to say no for reasonable things. It just means to rephrase it in such a way that they know the reason behind that ‘no’. Use ‘because’ and ‘as’ more often. Like:
“You cannot have ice cream late at night because you’ll have cavities and hurting gums”
“You don’t need that car toy as you already have plenty of them. How about picking something else instead?”
This way the child will eventually understand that the refusal is for his/her benefit and remain positive towards you and your forbiddance.
Follow this mantra with your child everyday: “Stop being afraid of what can go wrong and start being positive about what can go right!”
Goodluck!