Formative Years
Serve & Return Interactions: Part 1
Chapter 1.6
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You’re reading a book to your child and he/she looks up to you and points to a picture of a dog and you say “Dog! That’s a dog!” while maintaining eye contact.
When doing arts and crafts with your toddler, he/she hands you a crayon and you say “thank you for giving that to me!” while smiling.
Your daughter is solving a game of puzzles, she leaves it and moves to the blocks and starts to build something. You notice this and ask “what are you building?”
Let’s Reflect
All of these may seem like normal scenes from a typical day with your child, but these back-and-forth exchange of gestures between them is not only fun but also a very integral aspect of providing an environment enriched in responsive experiences to your little one.
The simple act by the parent/caregiver of acknowledging and responding to all the coos, goo goos and ga gaas of the new-born is what we are talking about. It commences right from the first time you hold your tiny bundle of joy.
Serve & Return takes two to play!
And it is similar to playing a lively game of ping pong amongst the parent and the child. Your child gives you a cue that they want your attention for something (serve) and you respond in a supportive manner (return).
The child “serves” by looking out for interaction—with eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, babbling, or touch. A responsive caregiver will “return the serve” by speaking back, playing peekaboo, or sharing a toy or a laugh.
Non-verbal dialog initiates between the parent and the child from the very first time they adorably respond to their new-born’s gestures. This translates into parent-child synchronicity.
Baby holding out hands towards you is a “serve” and in response you pick up your little squish and hold it close to your heart is the “return”.
How is ‘serve and return’ parenting beneficial?
These natural flowing interactions with your child are very important and cannot be substituted for anything else in the world. Research shows that there is a biological reason for this. Oxytocin, the cuddle hormone, gets released during these interactions bringing the parent and child closer. Further, serve and return parenting contributes to stimulate the child’s brain and heart rhythm as well.
In essence, these little interactions you have with your child subconsciously shapes the unique personality the child develops into.
Serve and return interaction evolve as the child’s brain matures and becomes more complex.
- Infant coos responded by mother’s loving adores
- When the baby babbles dad comes back with expressive chirpy gossips
- When the child points towards objects the grandma lovingly explains her their names
- Once the child starts talking, their queries never stop. The entire family gets on enthusiastically on introducing the world to their child.
- Before you know your child has become a teenager and the conversations get more complex, but still continue to impact the child’s brain development.
Healthy brain architecture relies upon a robust foundation strengthened by responsive relationships with caring adults. Development happens in stages, each one laying the foundation for the next complex interaction.
Loving and meaningful Interactions generates self-confidence, stable mental health, motivation to learn, educational and workplace achievement, impulse control, conflict resolution skills, ethical behaviour, developing and maintaining relationships, and children eventually becoming successful parents themselves
Attention without distraction
The science of neuroimaging brings to light a neural mechanism by which language experience has the potential to influence brain development.
An “environment of relationships” is crucial for the development of a child’s brain architecture, which lays the foundation for later outcomes such as academic performance, mental health, and interpersonal skills
For instance: Your toddler tugs at you playfully and is eagerly awaiting a response from your end. At that very moment you might want to hurry back to the kitchen or finish other chores, need to check your phone notifications, finish reading that long pending book, the official work demands your attention, unwind watching your favourite series, or simply catch up on sleep.
The above scenario brings about following possibilities:
- You might decide to ignore these and bring your attention back to your child. But there may still be a nagging thought at the back of your mind, even though you know you shouldn’t.
- What if you finish the task at hand first and then bring your focus to your child? Would waiting for your attention affect your child’s feelings?
- You multitask. Divide the attention between the task at hand and your child. This breaks the flow of the rhythm between you and your child.
Contrary to what we may think, children can always sense if you are distracted. As a result, they may try harder for your attention in various ways possible. Or perhaps may give up on perceiving no response from your end. The feeling of being rejected might lead to an act of retreat or spacing out by the child
Absence or lack of responsiveness and caring environments can lead to non-formation
or diminishing of neural pathways. Being persistently ignored leads to generation of stress hormones which might interact with the overall healthy brain development of the child.
The simple answer to this problem is Serve & Return Interaction demand undivided attention!!
Timing is everything, there exists a rhythm between these serve and return interactions. Just like in the game of ping pong, if you miss the moment and miss the serve, you lose the game. If the child’s “serves” routinely get ignored, they might slowly give up and feel rejected.
Does this mean you always have to give 100% attention to your child?
We all know this is not possible. Thankfully, it is not needed either. Research shows that variations in the level of responsiveness from a parent can help young children understand boundaries in relationships. This increases their capacity for independence and problem-solving.
You, as a parent, have to learn to recognize the moments that are important and need full attention from your side. Remember, you do not need any special toys or technology for these interactions. These Serve and Return interactions can take place in small moments in your everyday routine- at the market, in the car, getting ready in the morning, anywhere! Just ensure that when these interactions take place, you provide your child with full attention.
So, try your best to find ways to incorporate, serve and return interactions with your child each day. It does not have to be a long game of ping pong. A few small games every day are what make the difference to build their foundation. Head to our next article to know the five easy steps you can incorporate into your daily interactions with your little human.
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