Formative Years
Serve & Return Interactions: Part 2
Chapter 1.7
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Parenting in Daily Life
Having quality time with your child in your everyday routine makes a big difference on their learning and development. Serve and return parenting can be done anytime and anywhere. Healthy Brain architecture relies upon a robust foundation strengthened by responsive relationships with caring adults
Non-verbal dialog (gaze, sounds, actions) initiates between the parents and the child from the very first time they adorably respond to their newborn’s gestures. This translates into parent-child synchronicity. During Synchronous moments there is a tandem between parent and the child’s heart rhythms, which activates neural response resulting in the secretion of oxytocin (cuddle hormone).
By taking small moments during the day to serve and return, you build up the foundation for children’s lifelong learning, behaviour, and health—and their skills for facing life’s challenges.
Here are 4 simple ways to involve ‘Serve and Return’ in your daily interactions with your child:
1. Share the experience with your child
Pay attention to when your child notices something, draws his/her attention towards it.
Serve: They may move their arms, make a sound or/and facial expression hearing aloud Woof Woofs!!
Return: Your response “Oh, you hear the dog barking?” coupled with an expression to match theirs.
How this helps: keeping a keen eye towards your little squish’s little acts of interest, will tremendously help you to get to know a lot about your child’s abilities, interests and needs. Basis this information, you not only strengthen your bond with them but also are able to build and sustain their curiosity about the surroundings.
Encourage and support them – You can return a child’s serve by:
- Saying words of encouragement. That’s right, that’s good, well done, keep it going, very good, thank you
- By Facial expressions: Being surprised, happy etc…
- Through Motion – making those moves with your child. Yeah shake a leg
- Answering their cues: You can also pick up object the child is pointing to, and bring it closer
How this helps: supporting and encouraging rewards the child’s curiosity. This means they feel good about exploring their world and learning. When you give a positive response, they feel heard and understood.
2. What’s “it” called?
When your child notices something, could be an object, person or even a feeling, make it a point of simply naming it. This will help them develop the neural connections responsible for developing language skills. This building of brain starts even before your child can talk or understand your words.
Serve: Baby touches his/her nose…
Return: “Yes, this is your nose!”
How this helps: when you teach your child what a particular “thing/emotion/person” is called, not only helps him/her build their vocabulary but also start making sense of the world and get to know it better.
3. Give and take, but with patience
Every time you return a serve to your child, wait for them to respond. Keep the interactions going back and forth by taking turns. Waiting for them is crucial as they need time to ideate and express their responses.
Serve: you do actions while singing a rhyme
Return: Your child tries to imitate your actions
How this helps: waiting for your child to respond gives them a signal that you understand their needs and value what they are saying. It also teaches them self-control as they mimic you and wait for your reaction. Further, it builds upon their confidence and instills a sense of independence.
4. Practice Endings and Beginnings
Look for small opportunities throughout the day. You can do it anytime or anywhere without any need for toys or technology. Children make it obvious when they are done doing a particular activity and ready to head for another one.
When you find these moments for the child to take the lead, you support the child in exploring their work and making more serve and return interactions possible.
Serve: Mama Look!! There is a big pumpkin
Return: Yes dear. Would you like to have it for dinner tonight?
Serve: Oh I see oranges. My favourite
Return: Sure let’s go and get some for all of us. We all love oranges!
How this helps: when you allow your child to decide when to start or end an activity, you are allowing them to make independent decisions. By shifting your focus with them on their new area of interest/liking, you give them encouragement and show that you are interested in the same things they are.
With the number of distractions parents face these days, ‘serve and return’ parenting helps to remind us to focus on what may be the most important part of parenting – being truly present with our child and build a strong foundation for their growth.
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