Developmentally Appropriate Practice
Significance of Primary Relationships
Chapter 2.4
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Kriti (just a little over 4 yrs.) loved to cycle. Her father taught her to cycle right from her toddler days. However, off-lately she was acting indifferent towards the activity. Her father sensed the tension. When asked, she would say that the cycle was old-the chain came off easily and she didn’t know how to fix it.
“I knew something was wrong. I could tell from your face” he said smiling. “But don’t you worry, I’ll fix it for you”
Her father jumped in to help. He taught her how to fix a chain, tighten bolts and lubricate joints. He taught her the cliché ‘guy’ stuff to diversify her abilities.
Mumma: But you know what? I could also sense something too. Perhaps, your favourite old scooter needs the same drill”
She was right. That old vehicle was Kriti’s fathers favorite, the one he could not let go. But lately, it gave him a lot of trouble and demanded many repairs.
“Well, I wouldn’t mind if you join me in fixing it” he winked at her budding mechanic.
All three enjoyed a little laugh and got to work.
Let’s Reflect
Right from the primary years of life, children need their parents to align themselves emotionally and not just physically. The existence of such warm & nurturing relationships with responsive parents sets the foundation for the development of a child’s emotional resilience, problem solving, language & communication, empathy & co-operation, self- regulation & cultural socialization, and identity formation.
Sometimes, words are overrated when the ‘connection’ is strong!
A child’s foremost relationships are the ones that are formed with parents (or other primary caregivers). The two are connected with an invisible bond of love & trust through the wavering tides and experiences of life. Due to the innumerable verbal and non-verbal interactions exchanged between the parent and the child, they both get attuned to each other’s signals and behavior.
The toddler knows its mama’s work time when she has laid out some toys to keep him busy in the afternoon. Vice versa too, the mother knows that her child is annoyed just by reading his facial expressions or certain silent activities.
This important attachment therefore sets the stage for various other positive relationships that the child is going to build with the people around him as s/he grows up and interacts with a world beyond their immediate family.
It is about the everyday moments:
Research indicates the extent of a child’s learning & development is dependent on the numerous moment-to-moment interactions the parent has with the child. The real time decisions that parents make throughout the day are a significant contributor in shaping his/her attributes
Samar, 5-year-old, could read the digital clock so his mother decided to introduce him to the wall clock as a challenge and up scaling of his already existing attribute of understanding time.
Nurturing positive relationships with parents leads the kids to have a high self-esteem, a strong sense of self-efficacy, ability to cooperatively resolve interpersonal conflicts and the amiability to connect and get along socially. Additionally, such relationships add a sense of security and confidence in kids to try new experiences and attempt new skills which in turn, supports the child’s learning & acquisition of extensive and diverse capabilities.
Rohina enjoyed playing with water in her pool. So, her father enrolled her in age appropriate swimming classes during her toddler years itself. She seemed to be a natural at it. The family then aimed at getting her into children’s swimming championships.
Such endearing relationships lend a hand in building a sound physical, social, and emotional foundation in our young ones.
But all relationships need work, isn’t it?
While children are born with an innate capacity to initiate and regulate their own learning activities with the support of peers, parents need to be mindful of stimulating, directing, and supporting their child’s developmental learning by enabling required experiences.
Besides, cultivating a caring and loving environment, parents need to plan and adapt practices as per the child’s individual needs, interests, and abilities.
Following are the child-rearing practices recommended for the earliest years of childhood:
- Always Acknowledge what the child has to say or show. Acknowledge the child through comments or even by just attentively sitting and observing their actions.
“You are doing a wonderful job at mixing the shades of blue for painting the sky”
- Remember to encourage the child in all his constructive endeavors. Instead of just praising or evaluating the child’s deeds, parents need to motivate their child for their persistence and determination. “You have been working for 4 hours at a stretch on building this big LEGO ship. You are doing a wonderful job at it on your own!”
- Try being specific on feedback. Providing general statements will not help the child rectify efforts. “Throw the ball with more force for me to catch it from a distance” or
“Hey sweety, you need to be careful with the glue stick, else you might end up with sticky hands!”
- Lead by example as your young ones idolize you in every sense of the word. They then do things because they want to – rather than because they are supposed to. As a result, they will be generally happier, stick around longer, and are motivated to give their very best work. So, parents, the kind of behavior, attitude, or problem-solving approach you want your child to adapt, you need to exhibit first.
Dad: Hurry up son! I am getting late for my tennis game.
Son: Oh No Dad It has started pouring. We cannot go outside to play now…
Never mind…. Hey! Champ how about doing some musical workout at home?And then enjoy the weather with some hot chocolate and marshmallows…!!
- Do it yourself Adapt to this technique for you little one to accept ownership for a task or chore. Over time, children as early as toddler years might initiate doing a task “because it needs to be done” – not because they are being told to do it. By allowing a child to “do it his way” will instill a sense of pride in accomplishment and foster a sense of responsibility.
Eg: A simple act of throwing banana peels, chocolate wrappers into the trash bin instead of leaving around will organically embed a similar sense of responsibility.
- Introduce challenges from time-to-time. To strengthen your child’s competence & confidence as a learner; ensuring consistency as well as willingness to take risks parents need to keep upping the challenge by just a step higher from their current reach each time. “Let us see who builds the tallest tower “
- Ask Questions/Probe Problems that get the child’s minds thinking. This helps in stimulating young minds and magnifying their scope of thoughts/imagination/skill. “I am not able to find my glasses,” said can you help me? 30-month Reeja comes running with her glasses in her hand, and hands them over. She was more than proud of being able to help her grandma
- Offer Assistance (Provide cues/hints) to help children build on their competence. “Who is called the king of the jungle?” Hint: He Roooaarrrrrrs”
- Provide Information by describing facts, attaching names to things/feelings and other information. “Are you curious to open the gift and find out what your friend has got for you?”
- Direct the kids to achieve the task in hand. “Tap on each animal figure only once to count them”
Let the bond deepen and mutual love intensify!
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